So I went to a women’s support group the other day (for entertainment and educational purposes, and obviously something to write about) and we were asked to introduce ourselves and share our little love “background story”. One woman shared that she had just found the courage to leave her husband of 30 years because she finally had enough of his alcohol addiction (she admitted accepting his infidelity for 30 years but apparently that wasn’t the straw that broke the camel’s back). Another woman told us about all of her past partners: Partner #1 physically abused her, Partner #2 turned out to be gay, Partner #3 also current partner hasn’t had sex with her in four years out of a six year relationship. 😯
So then it was my turn: “Hi my name is Lisa. And I have never been married and enjoy living on my own. I’ve had my share of bad, I mean bad relationships, but now I have finally found a great man and I want to learn how to let go of my past horrible experiences so that I can fully appreciate him and treat him the way he deserves.” And to make sure they understood just how amazing my man really was I added: “He is the type of man who would go out in a tropical storm to get you chocolate milk because you’re PMS-ing and have menstrual cramps and craving chocolate.” True story by the way. Every woman in the room (except my best friend who accompanied me) stared at me like if I was either crazy, stupid, or naive. Or, now that I think about it, maybe they just wanted to steal my man. When I was done and it was time for the lady next to me to share her story, she started off by saying: “Well like her, my man used to be amazing and sweet and caring. But now we sleep in separate beds and barely speak to each other.” 🙄
What bothered me the most wasn’t their decisions to stay in bad relationships. It’s an individual choice to stay or leave. Personally, if I were them I would’ve left a long time ago. What I wanted to say to them was: (to woman #1) “It’s not my fault you lost 30 years of your life”; (and to woman #2) “Why haven’t you grinded a viagra and seasoned his food with it? We all have needs and he’s got to be getting it somewhere so if I were you I’d double-check my vacuum cleaner.” But that wouldn’t have been very nice and after all, it was a support group.
What bothered me the most was their reaction of disbelief towards my statement of actually having a good man. I don’t understand what happened to women that when one woman says she has a great man, most women just don’t believe her. I’ve been criticized so many times for saying that I trust my boyfriend blindly. He has done nothing wrong to deserve otherwise. I think it’s sad, that faith in men seems to have gotten lost somehow. I understand how bad experiences could play a part, but I don’t think that it should be to blame. I am actually very grateful for my past horribly bad experiences, because I have learned from them how to recognize a good thing when it comes, and likewise, I’ve learned how to recognize a bad thing when it’s on its way. And when I say I’ve had bad experiences, I mean bad experiences. I’ve been cheated on, abused, falsely accused of cheating, threatened, stalked; you name it, I’ve been through it. Except turning a man gay. That’s the one thing I haven’t been through (knock on wood). And I don’t believe I should trust my current boyfriend any less because of what I’ve been through. My motto is: the angels you meet today shouldn’t be treated badly because of the sins made by devils in the past, until they turn into demons themselves.
I found this “men analysis graph” on Facebook the other day. I have to admit that I had a very hard laugh when I saw it. Some broken-hearted woman made it or a very much in-love gay man. Either way it confirms that we have lost all faith in the male species. Is nice, smart, and handsome the only criteria we are searching for? If so, that shouldn’t be too much to ask for, right? Don’t think for a second that I believe in settling. We should never settle for anything less than what makes us completely happy. Us, as in us women, but as individual women. Just because your friend, or your sister, or your mom, or whoever says he’s unattractive, doesn’t mean he can’t be smokin’ hot to you. And so what if he still thinks the number 11 should be added to telephones in case he has to dial 9-1-1, if he’s willing to be your emergency contact, that’s all that matters. Or maybe he’s not so into the idea of helping a random old lady cross the street, as long as he is always willing to hold your hand when you need it (plus old ladies nowadays automatically think you’re trying to steal their purse). So how about we stop looking for Mr. Perfect based on other woman’s expectations and start looking for Mr. Perfect for you?? ♥