Tags
boys, Dating, love, men, Mr. Perfect, People, Relationships, understanding men, women
Let’s talk about boys. I’m feeling very Carrie Bradshaw right now. I’ve got my curly hair going on and my laptop in front of the window imagining it’s NY. All I’m missing is the cigarette. 😎
So I went to a women’s support group the other day (for entertainment and educational purposes, and obviously something to write about) and we were asked to introduce ourselves and share our little love “background story”. One woman shared that she had just found the courage to leave her husband of 30 years because she finally had enough of his alcohol addiction (she admitted accepting his infidelity for 30 years but apparently that wasn’t the straw that broke the camel’s back). Another woman told us about all of her past partners: Partner #1 physically abused her, Partner #2 turned out to be gay, Partner #3 also current partner hasn’t had sex with her in four years out of a six year relationship. 😯
So then it was my turn: “Hi my name is Lisa. And I have never been married and enjoy living on my own. I’ve had my share of bad, I mean bad relationships, but now I have finally found a great man and I want to learn how to let go of my past horrible experiences so that I can fully appreciate him and treat him the way he deserves.” And to make sure they understood just how amazing my man really was I added: “He is the type of man who would go out in a tropical storm to get you chocolate milk because you’re PMS-ing and have menstrual cramps and craving chocolate.” True story by the way. Every woman in the room (except my best friend who accompanied me) stared at me like if I was either crazy, stupid, or naive. Or, now that I think about it, maybe they just wanted to steal my man. When I was done and it was time for the lady next to me to share her story, she started off by saying: “Well like her, my man used to be amazing and sweet and caring. But now we sleep in separate beds and barely speak to each other.” 🙄
What bothered me the most wasn’t their decisions to stay in bad relationships. It’s an individual choice to stay or leave. Personally, if I were them I would’ve left a long time ago. What I wanted to say to them was: (to woman #1) “It’s not my fault you lost 30 years of your life”; (and to woman #2) “Why haven’t you grinded a viagra and seasoned his food with it? We all have needs and he’s got to be getting it somewhere so if I were you I’d double-check my vacuum cleaner.” But that wouldn’t have been very nice and after all, it was a support group.
What bothered me the most was their reaction of disbelief towards my statement of actually having a good man. I don’t understand what happened to women that when one woman says she has a great man, most women just don’t believe her. I’ve been criticized so many times for saying that I trust my boyfriend blindly. He has done nothing wrong to deserve otherwise. I think it’s sad, that faith in men seems to have gotten lost somehow. I understand how bad experiences could play a part, but I don’t think that it should be to blame. I am actually very grateful for my past horribly bad experiences, because I have learned from them how to recognize a good thing when it comes, and likewise, I’ve learned how to recognize a bad thing when it’s on its way. And when I say I’ve had bad experiences, I mean bad experiences. I’ve been cheated on, abused, falsely accused of cheating, threatened, stalked; you name it, I’ve been through it. Except turning a man gay. That’s the one thing I haven’t been through (knock on wood). And I don’t believe I should trust my current boyfriend any less because of what I’ve been through. My motto is: the angels you meet today shouldn’t be treated badly because of the sins made by devils in the past, until they turn into demons themselves.
I found this “men analysis graph” on Facebook the other day. I have to admit that I had a very hard laugh when I saw it. Some broken-hearted woman made it or a very much in-love gay man. Either way it confirms that we have lost all faith in the male species. Is nice, smart, and handsome the only criteria we are searching for? If so, that shouldn’t be too much to ask for, right? Don’t think for a second that I believe in settling. We should never settle for anything less than what makes us completely happy. Us, as in us women, but as individual women. Just because your friend, or your sister, or your mom, or whoever says he’s unattractive, doesn’t mean he can’t be smokin’ hot to you. And so what if he still thinks the number 11 should be added to telephones in case he has to dial 9-1-1, if he’s willing to be your emergency contact, that’s all that matters. Or maybe he’s not so into the idea of helping a random old lady cross the street, as long as he is always willing to hold your hand when you need it (plus old ladies nowadays automatically think you’re trying to steal their purse). So how about we stop looking for Mr. Perfect based on other woman’s expectations and start looking for Mr. Perfect for you?? ♥
Life of a Recessionista 
Perhaps they were flabbergasted, hahah. I mean, maybe they thought why were you there at all if you had a perfect partner? Anyways, it’s nice to know there’s at least one woman who is happy in a relationship. It sometimes depresses me to read about women’s woes, and scares me I might experience those too someday.
They were definitely surprised alright! Lol. My relationship is not perfect at all, but it is perfect for me. I think it’s all about finding what makes you happy and always putting your self respect first. 🙂
Mark my words, u WILL someday.
Most women, if not all believe that men are assholes and I don’t blame them. A lot of guys have been treated like crap by women at some point in their lives and feel the need to take it out on all women. This applies to women as well, but in the end, as you said, it’s an individual who proves himself not the species. Also your bf is hawt lol.
You have a very good point. It is an endless cycle: we get hurt and therefore we don’t trust and hurt others in return and repeat. And yes, my bf is damn sexy! 😛
I honestly a couple of months ago thought the same thing that the women you mentioned above, “all men are the same”.. but I confirmed that’s not true. The problem is that when you go through these experiences it’s difficult to trust in another partner again, (difficult but not impossible), the important thing is that after you go through such horrible experiences, learn from them and not seek always the negative side instead seek the positive side. I truly believe that things happen for a reason and it’s clear is to learn from them. I also spent several years in a relationship and afterwards did not believe in any men. But you learn from your mistakes and you can trust again. One little advice…. when you trust someone, you have to take care of that trust as much as you can!!!, Because you know it’s hard to get. Respect is sooo important in a relationship, and most men & women do not appreciate that. It’s sad when a relationship is so great and a third person tries to intervene. But unfortunately these people exist and we cannot avoid them. That is where destiny tests you and confirms if you truly have learned from your mistakes. I very much agree with you, try to look for Mr. Perfect is impossible. Try to look for the person who truly makes you happy based on your expectations and what you have learned 🙂 …. and as Renxkyoko said, it depresses me to hear women talking about how bad men are and their bad experiences; but if you haven’t gone through a relationship like that, most likely it will someday happen, but don’t panic because we all have gone through it, remember, the important thing is to learn from our mistakes and that life is short, don’t waste your time with someone who doesn’t values you. There are many men out there, that are worth it !!!!! : ) Good luck to all & to me!!! To find Mr right guy : P
So true, my friend. Respect and trust are the most important parts of a relationship, and once either is lost, they are the hardest factors to gain back.
Whoever u r, ur words inspire me. I don’t automatically assume they’re lies(as i do most women at this point). Do urself one of two favors-1)build a time machine and meet me before i became a hardened, heartless bastard who aims to emotionally cripple women. Or 2) stay far far away from me(i live in Detroit, so don’t go there).
Haha! I’m going to take that as a compliment 😉
I really enjoy your writing 🙂 You can feel that you are saying these things from the bottom of your heart.
Flo xxx
http://floswonderland.com/
Thanks, Flo! That really means a lot to me. ♥
llevo casi tres a~os de casada y gracias a Dios nos ha ido muy bien creo q nuestra relacion siempre se ha basado en la confianza y en el respeto en entender q a veces vamos a pensar diferente pero eso no significa q tenemos q hacer un escandalo de ello, en lo particular cuando amigas me dicen q todos los hombres son iguales y toda la kantaleta q ya estamos cansadas de escuchar les digo q no es que todos los hombres son iguales es q tu sigues buscando el mismo tipo de hombre, ademas, es que conocen a este hombre q empieza a dar se~ales de ser celoso, compulsivo, maltratante y como q no captan en vez de salir corriendo esperan a continuar en una relacion que te dio todas las se~ales desde el primer dia que iba a ser destructiva.
Estoy muy de acuerdo contigo amiga! Nosotras somos responsables de nuestro destino y quienes estan en el. Y es muy cierto lo que dices, para que una relacion (sea cualquier tipo de relacion) sea exitosa, ambas partes tienen que entender que no siempre vamos a estar de acuerdo pero con el respeto, la confianza y el amor, todo se logra! 🙂
I don’t care if this is a chick site, it’s 150 am and I’m on vacation and so lonely and still broken that I’m losing sleep. I only found this site cuz i googled” images of broken hearted women” cuz it’s the only image of women that brings me pleasure anymore. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results. Waking u up with soft kisses? Cooking for u? Telling u ur beautiful EVERYDAY? Praying to God for u EVERY NIGHT? So u can c ur ex behind my back for a year and a half??!!?! I used to hate people who don’t give people they’re in relationships with the trust they deserve when it’s truly earned. Now not only do I hate all women(yes ALL-even my mother, cousins, neices, aunts, and grandmother[none of which EVER bothered to EVER tell me they loved me]), but i hate mysel for becoming the type of person i hate the most. Far as I’m concerned, YOU’RE ALL GUILTY. If i don’t break ur heart first, you’ll break mine. ” But that’s not fair, we’re not all like that”, u say? I say” yes u r. But some of u r such masters at deceiving and manipulating that you’ve convinced urself ur a keeper.” Life isn’t fair babe, and only stronger than strong survive.
I heard a woman say” women like a challenge”, i challenge the entire female species: PROVE ME WRONG! Till then, guilty as charged.
Sincerely,
Ur judge, jury, and executioner
I mainly write stuff that “chicks”would be interested in but guys are more than welcome 🙂 It seems to me that you’ve been broken-hearted (stating the obvious) and it also seems like your ex is a bitch. My post was mainly about learning to find the right person for you and realizing when to recognize that we are treated the way we allow ourselves to be treated. But some people (like your ex probably) just never mature and learn how to love, respect and appreciate their partners no matter how good you treat them. I’m not gonna lie, there’s no guarantee that if you find the right person for you that your not gonna get your heart broken. I just prefer to believe that a right person exists because we set up boundaries and expectations of what we want in that “perfect” person. And frankly, if your ex did that to you after you treated her like that, she did you a favor because you deserve wayyyy better. Thanks for visiting my blog and I’m glad you feel better after that rant. Take care and good luck…
….u responded alot faster and alot less aggressive than I expected(maybe even encouraged) u to do, I’ll give u that all day. And while u did APPEAR to attempt to provide insight to my issues(i know they’re not just problems or troubles, but legitimate complexed issues for which I would seek professional assistance-if i could afford it), i think your return comments we’re based on my lack of better explaining myself and longstanding current mental condition.
FOR THE RECORD, I’m a competitive full contact fighter, hard working factory ex-employee, and glutton for blessings(or punishment depended on each individuals outlook). I say this because in my lifetime I’ve received SO many head and facial scars(within the last year alone i got 8 stitches to my right cheek, 15 stitches to my left cheek, 4 stitches to the chin, 5 staples to my left eyebrow, and just last month i totaled my truck and and got 73 stitches from my right temple to left earlobe), that i don’t really feel handsome anymore.
And if nice means someone who treats people good, and smart means someone who applies knowledge to favorable decision making, then I don’t think I’m very nice or smart anymore either. My seeds of goodness and decision making have yet to bear fruit, at least with women. All I’m saying is i used to feel handsome smart and nice and based on that cute little chart u have displayed that made me gay. NOT ALL handsome smart nice guys are gay, and NOT ALL gay guys are handsome smart and certainly not nice. Believe me, I’ve been to prison. I’ve seen fags stab police in the face with scissors, sexually assault people, u name it. And i think that diagram(without a disclaimer that it’s a joke) is discouraging any possibly irresponsible. So, IF I’M NOT SMART, NICE, OR HANDSOME, WHAT THE HECK DOES THAT MAKE ME? UNCHARTED??
As for me deserving” wayyyyy better”, thank u for what appears to b a compliment. My reflex question to that is” does’wayyyy better’ actually exist, or does it just mean wayyyy better at at pretending to b wayyy better?” As u probably can see, im admittedly quite confused and frustrated. Way down i wanna believe things that experience and logic have directed me otherwise. And with men, confusion and frustration often lead to termination. What we don’t fully grasp we try to erase, it’s a Y chromosome instinct.
To sum all this up, the subject of women is not one in which i can currently, voluntarily, feel good about. At all. So instead of despair i feel anger. It’s more empowering. Hopefully i explained myself adequately.
P
First of all saying that you hate all women, you shouldn’t say that!! Because NOBODY and I mean you shouldn’t blame anybody for what your ex did to you.. forgive me for saying so, but it’s true. Nobody has to blame another person for their mistakes. Everyone is responsible for their own mistakes. And if you hate yourself for being so, why you bother in being like that???… As I said above, things happen for a reason, but to learn from them and to become a better person … things don’t happen to hate others nor you hate yourself… You learn from your mistakes, but if another person commits them, then way better! Learn from them so you won’t commit them in the future. You also say: “If i do not break ur heart first, you’ll break mine” just by saying that, you are anticipating the future and saying that ALL WOMEN ARE THE SAME. Which I don’t blame you because I also used to think that way, after being 9 years with my ex that never valued me as a women, never respected me and cheated on me like more than 7 times that I can remember… but you know what? It helped me to be a better person and I thank him for that. When I started dating other people, I then understood what I was missing. There are many people/ women / men out there that know how to value you as you are.. “less than a few” but there out there .. I know you’re not going to believe me right now and I totally understand because you are going through a hard situation that just happened but later on, if you learn from that, then you’ll laugh of what happened because you’ll say Thank God that happened to me so I can learn what love means and what it means to value and respect a person. Also, I totally agree with your comment “Life isn’t fair babe, and only stronger than strong survive” but only you, can make that happen! Learn from your mistakes or others mistakes. And the other comment “I Heard a woman say” women like a challenge “, i challenge the Entire female species: PROVE ME WRONG! Till then, guilty as charged. “How do expect that a woman proves you wrong if you don’t want to take the chance????? Love is like the lottery, get the jackpot or keep trying. If you never try, you’ll never get the right person. In other words, give yourself a chance and keep trying, don’t give up on yourself because one girl disappointed you. Wao you really inspired me to write 🙂 …. Not sure if it helped you but it helped me to keep learning from others and hope to you too!!
It’s normal to feel anger, disappointment, depressed, sentimental, etc.. but don’t let ANYONE make you feel that way. You and only you control your feelings. Just live life and everyday try to be a better person, if people don’t value you, forget about them!! There are millions of people in this world don’t waste your time on those people!! Well good night and take care!! 😉
But that DID help to say it. Now i can sleep. Night night pretty little liars
”I hate all women” can’t be accurate until i have met all women(which of course won’t happen in a lifetime).
……i wish instead i had said that i resent the way i have cared so much for the same people who have cared so little and superficially for me. Incidentally, they all turned out to be women. Fortunately for me i have the best friends(brothers!) A guy could ask for. Friends who raised their kids by themselves cuz the mother is either stripping or high on something. Friends who raise children only to find out later it was another mans. Friends who don’t have time to pay bills cuz they’re too busy working, so they trust their wife and one day come home to an empty house and bank account(but maybe all the trashy, irresponsible, gold-digging skanks just hang out around Detroit, around JUST me and my boys????).
And saying” I challenge you to prove me wrong”, i need a better analogy than playing the lotto. Q#1) how many people have u met that hit the jackpot?, & Q#2) how did the story/stories play out? (i met ONE guy who won like a 1/2 million& a couple years later he was broke again). Once again, what I wish I had said was I challenge women to help me believe it’s WORTH ” the risk.”
Don’t misunderstand, u didn’t even have to respond but u did. I’m not trying to disprove whatever u say, I’m really not. It’s just that u mentioned I’m” going through a hard situation that just happened”….but it happened over two years ago. And before her i was engaged when i got sent to prison for 3years. She left me, without telling me, for my neighbor. Over the last two years I’ve had relationship opportunities, but I just have no enthusiasm, no will, no desire whatsoever to try.
Not sharing my life with anyone(except for this comment right now) has not been anymore painful than the alternative. Think about how many guys you’ve heard say” I don’t got alotta guy friends cuz i don’t like guys”. Now think about how many girls you’ve heard say” i don’t got alotta(or ANY) girlfriends cuz i don’t like girls.” for me, that ratio is easily 0/100+. Y? CUZ EVEN GIRLS KNOW THEY’RE SHADIER THAN GUYS!
Listen, u already did the” finding mr.perfect” thing. Would u be willing to consider doing a”BEING HIS MS.PERFECT” article? (not for me, for women who meet a guy like me before they become, well, a guy like me).
P
Btw, i never gotta answer-if ur not nice, smart, or handsome, then what type of guy does that make??
I posted that and am waiting for an answer.
Honestly I don’t know what to tell you. I wish I did. But it seems that the answer you’re looking for, you’re not going to find it here. We not professionals just a bunch of of average girls talking mainly about shoes and clothes and stuff. The best advice I or anyone else can give u is to seek professional help. I did and it was the best decision I ever made. I couldnt afford it but I saved up until I could afford at least two or three sessions and I’m so happy I did. About the “gay” chart if You read my post I’m actually criticizing it. To me it shows that we (female species) has lost all faith in men and I’m also saying that if handsome, smart and nice is all we’re looking for than it shouldnt be that hard to find. I know alot of men that fit that standard and are no where near gay. I wish you the best and I hope you find one day that there are good girls out there worth looking for. Take care and good luck.